Missing Milestones
2020. To say this year has measured up to expectations would be a gross misstatement. Think back to the end of 2019. Enjoyable holidays. Stable growing economy. Low unemployment. Time for personal reflection. What were you believing to come true as the ball dropped, and the new year began?
What were you looking forward to in 2020?
If you are like me, you may have had a few resolutions (with great intent on making them into new habits). Perhaps you wanted to improve your engagement with your family – spend more meaningful time with your kids, dedicate time in conversation with your spouse – slowing down the current daily rat race here and there.
Perhaps you resolved to improve your daily health. No longer would going to the gym or working out in your garage be associated with an explicative but rather met with a focused intent and grit. Maybe it was to focus on the quality and quantity of sleep – to recharge your depleted batteries.
Possibly it was to refine your focus at work – to better align with your passion, to pivot into your sweet spot, or to recognize the value of those on your team. To encourage and elevate their game.
Maybe it was to step out and start something new?
A new position with new responsibilities. To step out of being comfortable and become challenged. Could it have been to simply align your lifestyle to ensure that you would still be able to do the things that matter most… 20 years from now?
What did you resolve to do differently in 2020?
The year 2020 started, for most, like many years prior: New Year’s Resolutions, predictions for the coming 12 months, a new vision – a new direction, personal aspirations, and an earnest expectation for what would come. And then it happened.
The pandemic.
Have you ever gone through a period of life where all the pieces were falling into place? Your dreams becoming reality? Where each step felt solid – and well balanced? Where relationship gold came from every conversation? And personal growth occurred every day, with every experience?
Living in the sweet spot can be invigorating.
And then it all changed. In an instant, all your well laid plans disrupted – veiled in darkness like a moonless night. The pandemic changed everything.
What was your response to this monumental pandemic paradigm shift?
Some reacted. Others responded. Some have been paralyzed by fear – still others with eager anticipation of only a short reprieve from normal. But this is not normal – nor will the total impact be measured in days, but likely in years – perhaps generations.
What impact has the pandemic (and current societal strife) had on you?
And what about those life events that had been years in the making? For some, the impact of social distancing and shelter-in-place initiatives bent the curve, but vastly changed common milestone events from what had been commonplace.
I have had team members share of their frustrations and sadness of loved ones graduating – without formal ceremonies to celebrate such an incredible accomplishment. Feeling as if the ending of that chapter in life was missing. For some, it seemed to lack bookends – rather just blurred into the next stage of life. And then, the challenges for those stepping into internships or new careers – only to see those opportunities disappear.
Several close family friends had weddings planned for May. I can only imagine the heart ache around the dreams of a wedding day being cast aside for either another day distant in the future – or just adapting that special day into something remarkably different than what was planned. And while these things may not be life or death determinates… their impact is profound.
These are common milestones in life.
They are proverbial rites of passage: graduation from high school, university or other endeavor, a first career job or internship, finding your why, getting married, the birth of a child – or grandchild, a critical illness, death of a loved one, etc.
For many members of my team, friends and even within my own family, the impact of 2020 has been unprecedented. I’ve felt it – and I have most certainly seen it in those around me.
What have been your missed milestones?
Take a moment to embrace that question. Is it really the milestone that was missed? Or was it just vastly different than what you had hoped it to be? And do you recognize the value of the milestone? That it is not only in the achievement, but the recognition of what was learned along the way - and the direction it provides moving forward.
And how openly are you communicating with those you lead - and those who come alongside you every day – regarding the challenges they (and you) are facing? What are their missed milestones along the road of life? How are they responding? And how can you support each other through these challenges?
Keep in mind, it isn’t how we necessarily react to missed milestones, but rather how we respond that has the greatest influence.
There is a huge difference between reacting and responding.
A reaction is typically quick, without much thought, tense, emotional and aggressive. A response is an intentional, deliberate action - thought out, calm and non-threatening. A response is commonly filtered and representative of our character.
Sometimes milestones are not measured by societal accomplishments, but by those of character.
As one who leads, how you respond to missed milestones matters - often not in what is said, but what is shown.
Remember to celebrate (missed) milestones as you prepare for the road ahead.
And how you embrace those on your team struggling through this reflects your organizational culture. Your just cause. In times like this, when considering missed milestones those struggling around you, engage
them and apply this 4-step approach (LEAD):
1) Listen First
2) Embrace What Was Missed
3) Attach New Milestones
4) Display Gratitude
And although no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
C.Bard