Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
Have you ever felt that you don’t deserve the position that you have? That you don’t measure up? That others are far more accomplished than you? And that if those around you or under your leadership actually knew the ‘real’ you, they wouldn’t follow or respect you any longer?
I’ve felt this way! Especially with new career positions or seasons of life.
It is as if I am wearing a mask (something we understand a bit too well in 2020), not to protect others from me, but to protect myself from my own self-doubt. Remaining hopeful that I can impress or impact at a distance – but concerned about the proximity effect to those I am called to lead.
This is the Imposter Syndrome.
If you experience feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, you may be surprised to learn that you are in great company. First described in 1978, the Impostor Syndrome is typically associated with high achievers. So many suffer in silence, being buried in negative self-perspective that they never reach their full potential. If this is you now or has ever been – this post is for you. If with each achievement you feel like a fraud, the chances are that you are more accomplished and capable than you think. Keep in mind, real frauds don't worry about this!
Exposing the Imposter Syndrome
Impostor Syndrome is an overwhelming feeling that you don't deserve your success. It convinces you that you are not as intelligent, creative or capable as you are. It is the suspicion that your achievements are based on luck, perfect timing or just being in the right place / right time. Moreover, it is accompanied by a false fear that you'll be exposed as a fraud at some point.
Does This Sound Familiar? If So, You’re Not Alone.
Impostor Syndrome can proceed to a progression of self-doubt feelings, including fear of failure, fear of success and even self-sabotage. It is not simply a symptom of low self-confidence, or excessive humility but rather involves a constant fear of exposure, isolation and rejection.
For me (and I suspect many others), the Impostor Syndrome would often strike at moments of my greatest success: being hired for a new job, receiving an award or promotion, taking on extended responsibilities, leading others in new content, or even becoming a husband or a father.
Having these feelings can often inspire over-achievers to work harder, so as not to be unmasked or exposed. This often leads to continued success and recognition – cascading feeling of being an even bigger fraud. Have you ever felt like this?
What was your response to your most recent success?
In some situations, those suffering from the Imposter Syndrome will enter a period of downshifting. This is when the feelings of fear lead to lower your goals, becoming less ambitious and in turn preventing you from reaching your true potential. Achievement casualty from a false (lack of) belief in self.
This is a devastating reality for many… let it not be true for you!
Are you stuck in an isolation narrative? When despite all those years of education, training, experience and growth you still ask yourself, ‘why would anyone chose to follow me’? Where our self-perception and perspective are held captive to this untruth?
Do you suffer from any of the following thoughts?
My success isn’t based on merit;
I am so good at selling my ideas, that I am able to trick people into believing I am better than I am;
Those that hired me felt sorry for me and know that I am not capable; they are just using me as a placeholder and don’t really care about my success;
I am always afraid to ask for help for fear of exposing what I don’t know;
I always learn by making mistakes and don’t see the growth – just the mistakes;
I feel inadequate about myself specific to my leadership roles and areas of authority.
Did any of these statements resonate with you? Are these long held beliefs, or just fleeting thoughts? Have you recognized them before?
Many who experience Impostor Syndrome are self-labeled perfectionists. They set incredibly high goals, and if they don’t achieve them, have feelings of shame or disappointment. They are seldom satisfied with their achievements, not out of humility, but out of a deep-seated desire to be perfect. Many prefer to focus on their mistakes and failures rather than acknowledge their accomplishments.
There is a fine balance between being driven to achieve from a positive motivational mindset, and those performing at an elite level pushing for a higher performance out of chronic self-deprecating doubt. Subtle but powerful. One fulfilling, one exhausting. Often unable to differentiate from the outside.
Are you stuck in the vicious cycle of effort, success, dissatisfaction, and fear?
In my personal context, I came to realize I had been living from pain points in the past. From being told that I wouldn’t amount to much by those that were in positions of influence an authority.
As a child, to hear ‘what makes you think you will amount to anything?’ can either be a life-sentence or eternal motivation.
Yet despite decades of intensely deliberate, focused education, growth and incredible opportunities to prove myself and achieve, I realized that my past self-held pain limited my ability to fully embrace my potential and willingness to celebrate my successes.
However, over the past decade, I began to experience something profoundly different. The ability to find clarity through delineating my why – that passionate, deliberate reason I seek to bring value to others. It is a choice that we each must make. To look inside. To choose what you see. To choose what you believe. Your choice.
Does your choice point to a greater reality? Or are you your greatest limitation?
Recognizing that you have Impostor Syndrome is often the hardest part. Many people believe that the alternative is to become boastful and self-important, but this needn't be the case.
Take a few minutes to complete this free, open-access assessment. It will help you not only identify where you are on the continuum but help you with the following Steps to Overcome the Imposter Syndrome below.
And if you would like to take a deeper dive, there are many resources out there - but Presence is worth the read if you are looking to refine your approach.
5 Steps to Overcome the Imposter Syndrome:
1) Take an Inward Look
The first step to overcoming the Imposter Syndrome is to call it what it is… and acknowledge the feelings that are present. This isn’t easy and requires more than just acknowledging, but action. Create an ‘Inward Look’ journal – that could be as simple as a file on your smartphone or the more traditional journal. Post a reflection when you face self-doubt. Whenever you experience feelings of self-doubt or inadequacy, write them down and explain why you're feeling this way. Consider the context of each situation. Many times, it is in this process that change occurs.
2) Flip the Narrative
Simply stated, you must counter all negative thoughts with positive statements when it relates to who you are and what you are accomplishing. Take time to come up with affirmations that speak life into who you are and neutralize those thoughts. Recall that feelings may not be truths. So, feeling unqualified doesn't mean you are unqualified. Be aware of the paralyzing thoughts and feelings you have. Work intentionally on immediately countering those thoughts with reality-based statements, such as, "I am qualified for this task because…”. Practice early and often.
3) Seek Accountability
Set aside time to talk with those people that you trust and know you well. Establishing a sounding board of trusting individuals, sharing your thoughts and fears related to the imposter syndrome will allow clarity of thought. And you may well find out those fears limiting you are unfounded. It is often through the support of others who can help you to appreciate the reality of your situation that positive self-talk is fostered and developed.
4) Find a Realistic Positive Voice
This is not a quick fix, but one that requires intentional, daily effort toward change. When the negative self-talk enters, try to separate feelings from the context. It requires recognizing the value you bring to the situation regardless of the outcome. Anchor confidence in your abilities by becoming more aware of your strengths and weaknesses. And learn how to be realistic in your expectations and goals. Instead of seeing your mistakes as something to be ashamed of, treat them as learning experiences that will help you to perform even better going forward.
5) Acknowledge Success
Often, people with Impostor Syndrome find it hard to accept compliments – for fear of being seen prideful, but sometimes this isn’t born of humility. When things go well, they attribute their success to external factors such as help from others, or good fortune. But when things go wrong, they blame themselves.
When you meet success, celebrate it. Acknowledge those that made this possible, but also that your abilities were part of that success. Share the success – and embrace your contribution. Be willing to accept the compliment and the fulfillment it brings. But also be quick to give praise where it is due – filling those on your team as well.
Personally, I have not yet mastered these 5 Steps. I am on a daily growth journey as a leader and I openly embrace that truth. Thank you for joining me as you grow as well.